Animals are funnier than most people give them credit for.

Not in a trained circus way. Just in the way they exist. A cat knocking something off a table while making direct eye contact with you. A dog losing its mind over a squirrel it has seen four hundred times. A duck just waddling around like it owns the place because honestly it does. The animal kingdom is full of moments that feel like the universe is setting up a punchline, and we have been turning them into jokes for as long as people have been watching animals do ridiculous things.

There are a lot of good ones in here. Here are 89.

Best For

• Reading out loud to your kids on a long car ride when the screen time limit is up
• Dropping into a group chat that has been too serious lately
• Writing inside a birthday card for someone who loves animals
• Using as icebreakers at a kids party or family event
• Captioning a photo of your pet doing something absurd, which is probably always

Funny Animal Jokes

Classic Animal Jokes

1. Why don’t elephants use computers? They’re afraid of the mouse!
2. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
3. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
4. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
5. Why don’t fish do well in school? Because they’re always swimming in the wrong direction.
6. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador!
7. Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels!
8. What’s black, white, and red all over? A sunburned penguin!
9. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
10. Why did the cat sit on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse!

Dog Jokes

11. What do you call a dog who loves to take selfies? A paw-tographer!
12. Why did the dog sit in the shade? It didn’t want to be a hot dog!
13. What kind of dog loves car racing? A lap dog!
14. Why are dogs terrible dancers? They have two left paws.
15. How do you stop a dog from barking in the back seat? Put it in the front seat.
16. What’s a dog’s favorite kind of pizza? Pupperoni!
17. Why do dogs run in circles? They’re trying to chase their tails.
18. What do you call a dog who works at the airport? A bark ranger!
19. Why did the dog bring a pencil to school? It wanted to draw some attention.
20. What’s a dog’s favorite part of Christmas? The presents—they’re paws-itively exciting!

Cat Jokes

21. What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple!
22. Why are cats bad at storytelling? They only have one tail!
23. How do cats end a fight? They hiss and make up.
24. What’s a cat’s favorite song? “Three Blind Mice.”
25. What do you call a cat who loves books? A litter-ary genius!
26. Why was the cat so good at video games? It had nine lives!
27. What do you call a cat who’s been caught by the police? A purr-petrator.
28. What’s a cat’s favorite type of dessert? Mice cream!
29. Why don’t cats like online shopping? They prefer catalogs.
30. How do cats stay in shape? They do purr-lates!

Bird Jokes

31. Why don’t ducks tell jokes while flying? Because they might quack up!
32. What do you call a bird that’s bad at singing? A crow-singer.
33. Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they don’t know the words!
34. What do you call a parrot who flew away? A polly-gone.
35. Why did the bird get a ticket? It was caught tweeting while flying.
36. What’s a penguin’s favorite type of salad? Iceberg lettuce!
37. Why don’t owls throw parties? They don’t give a hoot!
38. How do chickens stay fit? Egg-cercise!
39. What’s a duck’s favorite snack? Quackers.
40. Why do seagulls live by the sea? Because if they lived by the bay, they’d be bagels.

Reptile Jokes

41. Why don’t snakes ever make good comedians? They’re always hissing their punchlines.
42. What do you call a crocodile that works at a bank? A safe keeper!
43. Why don’t alligators like fast food? They can’t catch it.
44. How do turtles communicate? With shell phones.
45. Why did the lizard break up with its partner? It had cold feet.
46. What’s a snake’s favorite subject? Hiss-tory!
47. Why did the frog take the bus? Its car got toad.
48. What’s a chameleon’s least favorite game? Hide-and-seek.
49. Why did the gecko open a restaurant? To serve sticky rice.
50. How do you catch a runaway lizard? With a lasso-ard.

Farm Animal Jokes

51. Why do cows never argue? They like to keep things pasture-al.
52. What’s a pig’s favorite dessert? Mud pie!
53. Why did the horse go behind the tree? To change his jockeys.
54. Why did the farmer name his cow Beethoven? Because it was out-standing in its field.
55. What do you call a chicken at the North Pole? Lost.
56. Why did the sheep go to the barbershop? It needed a shear!
57. What’s a cow’s favorite workout? Moo-scles building.
58. What do you call a sad horse? Blue-roan.
59. Why did the goat refuse to share? It was acting a bit baaaaaad.
60. What do you call a cow with no milk? An udder failure.

Sea Animal Jokes

61. Why are fish so smart? They live in schools!
62. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
63. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? They’re a little shellfish.
64. What do sea turtles use to communicate? Shell phones.
65. Why do sharks always know where to go? They have great fin-stincts.
66. What’s a whale’s favorite type of music? Orca-stra!
67. Why did the crab never share? Because it was shellfish.
68. How do you throw a space party? You planet (just kidding, fish don’t throw space parties!).
69. What’s a squid’s favorite sport? Inkball!
70. What do dolphins say when they’re mad? “I’m so dolphinitely over this!”

Jungle Animal Jokes

71. What do you call a lion who’s eaten a comedian? A laugh-ivore.
72. Why don’t monkeys use computers? They’re afraid of the mouse.
73. How do elephants talk to each other? On their ele-phones.
74. Why don’t tigers ever play poker? Too many cheetahs!
75. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
76. Why did the giraffe get bad grades? Its head was always in the clouds.
77. What do you call a gorilla with a bad temper? A grumpy ape!
78. How do zebras greet each other? “Stripes nice to meet you!”
79. What’s an elephant’s favorite game? Trunk-or-treat.
80. Why did the monkey like the banana? It had appeal!

Random Animal Jokes

81. Why don’t ants ever get sick? They have tiny ant-bodies.
82. What do you call a bear in the rain? A drizzly bear!
83. Why don’t kangaroos get tired? They always have bounce in their step.
84. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No-eye-deer.
85. Why do bees hum? Because they forgot the words!
86. What do you call a wolf that knows magic? A hairy potter!
87. Why did the squirrel go to the therapist? It was feeling a little nuts.
88. What’s a raccoon’s favorite snack? Trash-can-dy.
89. Why did the bat hang upside down? Because it was flipping out!

Before You Go

The best one here is going to be the one that reminds you of a specific animal in your life. You will know it when you see it. Go find it and send it to someone who gets it.