1. What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream.

2. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?

Frostbite.

3. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?

A blood orange.

4. Why do witches use brooms?

Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!

5. What’s a witch’s favorite subject in school?

Spelling.

6. Why was the jack-o-lantern afraid to cross the road?

It had no guts!

7. Why are pumpkins never nervous?

They’re thick-skinned.

8. How do monsters tell their future?

They read their horrorscope.

9. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?

A sand-witch.

10. Why did the vampire read the newspaper?

He heard it had great circulation.

11. Why don’t ghosts like to go out in the rain?

It dampens their spirits!

12. Why don’t mummies have hobbies?

They’re too wrapped up in their work.

13. Why was the mummy so tense?

He was all wound up.

14. Why do skeletons fight each other?

They don’t have the guts.

15. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?

He didn’t have a haunting license.

16. What do you call a witch’s garage?

A broom closet.

17. How do you make a witch stew?

Keep her waiting for the cauldron to boil.

18. What do mummies listen to on Halloween?

Wrap music.

19. Why don’t witches like to ride their brooms when they’re angry?

They’re afraid of flying off the handle!

20. What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?

Hoblin Goblin.

21. What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument?

The trom-bone.

22. How do vampires start their letters?

“Tomb it may concern…”

23. How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?

With scare spray.

24. What type of boat do vampires travel in?

Blood vessels.

25. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?

He is mist.

26. What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel, a Poodle, and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.

27. What do you use to mend a jack-o-lantern?

A pumpkin patch!

28. How do you make a skeleton laugh?

Tickle its funny bone!

29. Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them.

30. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?

With a pumpkin patch!

31. What’s Dracula’s favorite coffee?

Decoffinated.

32. Why do mummies make excellent spies?

They’re good at keeping things under wraps.

33. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a teacher?

Lots of blood tests!

34. What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.

35. Why don’t mummies take vacations?

They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind.

36. How does a vampire start a letter?

Tomb it may concern…

37. What do you call a witch’s garage?

A broom closet.

38. What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula.

39. Why did the pumpkin sit on people’s porches?

He wanted to squash them.

40. Why did the ghost go to the bar?

For the boos.

41. What does a ghost call his mom and dad?

His transparents.

42. Why do ghosts like to ride elevators?

It raises their spirits.

43. Why did the witch refuse to wear a flat hat?

There wasn’t enough headroom.

44. What do you call two witches living together?

Broommates.

45. What’s a monster’s favorite dessert?

I scream!

46. What do you call a dancing ghost?

Polka-haunt-us.

47. Why don’t mummies take vacations?

They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind.

48. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?

Squash.

49. Why did the vampire subscribe to the New York Times?

He heard it had great circulation.

50. How do ghosts search the web?

They use Ghoul-gle!

51. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?

Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!

52. What’s a mummy’s favorite type of investment?

A bond.

53. Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?

He had no body to go with him.

54. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?

Frostbite.

55. What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi.

56. Why don’t mummies take time off?

They’re afraid to unwind.

57. What do you call a cleaning skeleton?

The grim sweeper.

58. How do you repair a broken jack-o-lantern?

With a pumpkin patch!

59. Why did Dracula take cold medicine?

To stop his coffin.

60. Why did the ghost go to jail?

For possession.

61. How do mummies hide?

They use masking tape.

62. Why don’t vampires have many friends?

Because they are a pain in the neck!

63. What do you get when you cross a mummy with a vampire bat?

A flying Band-Aid.

64. Why are graveyards noisy?

Because of all the coffin!

65. What did one owl say to the other owl on Halloween?

Happy Owl-ween!

66. What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?

A fur coat that fangs around your neck.

67. What kind of key opens a haunted house?

A spoo-key!

68. Why did the ghost go into the bar?

For the boos.

69. What do you call a ghost’s mistake?

A boo-boo.

70. Why do skeletons stay so calm?

Nothing gets under their skin.

71. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a teacher?

Lots of blood tests.

72. How do mummies stay in shape?

By going for wraps.

73. Why did the zombie go to school?

He wanted to improve his “dead”ucation.

74. Why did Dracula become a vegetarian?

Because biting necks was a pain in the neck!

75. What do you call a fat jack-o’-lantern?

A plumpkin.

76. Why are ghosts bad at lying?

You can see right through them.

77. How do you fix a damaged jack-o’-lantern?

Use a pumpkin patch.

78. Why do vampires always seem sick?

They’re always coffin.

79. What do you get if you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!

80. Why do pumpkins do poorly in school?

They had their brains scooped out.

81. What do witches put on their bagels?

Scream cheese.

82. Why did the zombie ignore all his Facebook friends?

He was still digesting his last friend.

83. Why don’t monsters eat clowns?

They taste funny.

84. What’s a monster’s favorite play?

Romeo and Ghouliet.

85. What room does a ghost not need?

A living room.

86. Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit!

87. What’s orange and faster than a speeding train?

Super Pumpkin!

88. What’s a mummy’s favorite type of music?

Wrap!

89. What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spookgetti.

90. What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?

Fangsgiving.

91. Why did the vampire need mouthwash?

Because he had bat breath.

92. Why don’t skeletons watch scary movies?

They don’t have the stomach for it.

93. What kind of streets do ghosts haunt?

Dead ends!

94. What kind of dog does Dracula have?

A bloodhound!

95. How do you make a witch itch?

Take away the W.

96. What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sand-witch.

97. Why are pumpkins never nervous?

They’re thick-skinned.