1. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

2. What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?

Guardians of the Galaxy.

3. What’s Dad’s favorite exercise at the gym?

The dad lift.

4. Why did the dad sit on the peanut butter?

So he could tell another “dad spread too thin” joke.

5. How do you make holy water?

Boil the hell out of it.

6. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole in one.

7. What did the grape do when he got stepped on?

He let out a little wine, just like Dad.

8. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?

They don’t have the guts.

9. How does a dad joke start?

With a look over the shoulder!

10. Why did the dad bring an umbrella to work?

He heard there was a chance of showers (and paperwork).

11. Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing.

12. What do you call fake spaghetti?

An impasta—Dad’s favorite joke at Italian restaurants.

13. What do you call a pile of cats?

A meow-tain, from Dad’s collection.

14. Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties?

Because they’re such fungis.

15. Why did the dad bring a ladder to the bar?

He heard the drinks were on the house!

16. Why did the dad bring a wheelbarrow to church?

He heard they were raising the roof!

17. What do you call a man who can’t stand?

Neil.

18. What did the dad say when he stepped on a Lego?

Nothing printable, but he’s been training for this moment all his life.

19. What do you call a belt with a watch on it?

A waist of time.

20. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?

Sneakers.

21. Why did the coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.

22. How do you throw a space party?

You planet.

23. Why did the dad take an extra sock when he went golfing?

In case he got a hole in one.

24. Why don’t dads ever get lost?

Their bad jokes always find their way back.

25. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

Nacho cheese, Dad’s favorite snack joke.

26. What do you call a dad’s cooking?

Survival training.

27. Why did the dad sit on the clock?

To spend more time with his family.

28. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?

An abdominal snowman.

29. What do you call fake spaghetti?

An impasta.

30. Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?

In case they get a hole in one!

31. What do you call a dad who falls through the roof?

An “oops!”—Down to earth father.

32. How does a dad joke start?

When he walks into a bar, oar, any other place.

33. Why did the dad bring a tape measure to the park?

He wanted to see how long he could relax.

34. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.

35. How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

Look for fresh prints.

36. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek?

Because he was always spotted.

37. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two-tired, just like Dad after work!

38. Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got mugged.

39. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

40. Why did the scarecrow become a successful motivational speaker?

He had the last straw.

41. Why don’t eggs tell jokes?

They’d crack each other up, like Dad cracks us up.

42. Why did the dad put his money in the blender?

He wanted to make liquid assets.

43. Why did the picture go to jail?

Because it was framed—Dad’s favorite story to tell.

44. Why did the dad report his credit card stolen?

The thief was spending less than his kids.

45. What’s brown and sticky?

A stick, Dad’s go-to joke.

46. How does a penguin build its house?

Igloos it together.

47. What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta, Dad’s dinner special.

48. What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?

Bison.

49. Why are dads like coffee?

The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night worrying.

50. Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field, like Dad on BBQ duty.

51. How do dads send secret messages?

Through Dad-a encryption!

52. Why did the scarecrow become a successful motivational speaker?

He was outstanding in his field—just like Dad!

53. What’s a dad’s favorite nursery rhyme?

“Snore” lullabies.

54. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?

They don’t have the guts, and neither does Dad when Mom’s around.

55. What do you call a dad who can do magic tricks?

Dad-bracadabra!

56. Why did the dad bring a broom to the soccer game?

To sweep the competition!

57. What do you call a dad who doesn’t have a favorite child?

A parent-ly normal guy.

58. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?

Frostbite.

59. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole in one—Dad’s backup plan!

60. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

Because he felt crummy.

61. What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto, Dad’s favorite joke to tell at parties.

62. Why did the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two-tired, Dad’s way home.

63. Why did the cookie cry?

Because his father was a wafer so long.

64. What did the ocean say to the dad?

Nothing, it just waved.

65. Why do dads love meteorology?

They like to tell “it’s raining cats and dogs” stories.

66. Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems, something Dad understands well.

67. Why did the tomato turn red?

It saw the salad dressing, and so did Dad!

68. What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?

It gets toad away.

69. What rock group has four men that don’t sing?

Mount Rushmore—Dad’s historical humor.

70. What did the dad say when he got a book on anti-gravity for Father’s Day?

“I can’t put this down!”

71. Why did the dad buy a boat?

To keep his dreams afloat.

72. What do you call an old snowman?

Water—which Dad turns into a snowman every winter.

73. What’s Dad’s favorite movie?

“Gone with the Wind”—because he can relate to the naps.

74. What do you call a dad with a coffee?

Depresso—especially before his morning coffee!

75. What’s a dad’s favorite branch of science?

Chemistry, especially when he’s baking with the kids.

76. What’s Dad’s favorite type of architecture?

His kids’ forts.

77. What do you call a dad who falls through the ice?

A popsicle!

78. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot—Dad’s contribution to dinner.

79. How do dads keep their stories secret?

They put them on “father notice.”

80. How do you organize a dad’s space party?

You planet.

81. What do you call a dad who has mastered the barbecue grill?

The char-dinator.

82. What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer, Dad’s dream job.

83. What has a head, a tail, is brown, and has no legs?

A penny—Dad’s financial advice.

84. Why did the computer go to the doctor?

It had a virus, and Dad’s tech support wasn’t enough.

85. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

Nacho cheese, from Dad’s favorite jokes.