1. If I could program a robot, it would be programmed to love you.

2. You must be a magnet because I find myself very attracted to you.

3. Never trust an atom; they make up everything.

4. What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? HeHe.

5. You must be chlorine cause you are polarizing my bond!

6. Can I be the phasor to your electron and take you to an excited state?

7. What do you call an acid with an attitude? A-mean-oh acid.

8. If I was an enzyme, I’d be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.

9. I’m out of chemistry jokes, I should zinc of a new one.

10. Do you have any sodium hypobromite? NaBrO!

11. Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

12. What do you call a wheel made of iron? A ferrous wheel.

13. You are the Higgs Boson of my life, because without you my universe wouldn’t “matter”.

14. I heard oxygen and magnesium were going out. I was like, “OMg!”

15. Want to test the spring constant of my mattress?

16. Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar.

17. Did you hear about the industrialist who had a huge chloroform spill at his factory? His business went insolvent.

18. You must be a star because I can’t stop orbiting around you.

19. Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.

20. How about we go back to my place and form a covalent bond?

21. What did one charged atom say to the other? I’ve got my ion you.

22. Are you made of Fluorine, Iodine, and Neon? Because you are F-I-Ne.

23. If avogadro calls, tell him to leave his number.

24. Are you a 90 degree angle? ‘Cause you are looking right!

25. Want to hear a potassium joke? K.

26. Oxygen and magnesium together? OMg!

27. You’re like an exothermic reaction, you spread your hotness everywhere!

28. If I were an enzyme, I’d be helicase so I could unzip your genes.

29. How does a physicist exercise? By pumping ion.

30. Let’s make some sweet music together. I’ll bring the sine waves.

31. Why did the bear dissolve in water? It was polar.

32. If you were a fruit, you’d be a fineapple.

33. My love for you is like entropy, it never decreases.

34. Chemists do it on the table periodically.

35. What happens when electrons lose their energy? They get Bohr-ed.

36. You must be made of uranium and iodine because all I can see is U and I together.

37. I’m attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun – with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared.

38. Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re Cu-Te.

39. Are you a 45-degree angle? Because you’re acute-y.

40. Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia? Because it’s pretty basic stuff.

41. What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms? 2 Na.

42. Do you like science? Because I’ve got my ion you!

43. You must be a compound of barium and beryllium because you’re a total BaBe.

44. What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexia Association.

45. Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who visited 30 different countries and spoke 6 languages? He was a man of many cultures.

46. I bet you’re like calcium bicarbonate – if I get you wet, the reaction will be explosive!

47. The name’s Bond, Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.

48. If you were a burger at McDonald’s, you’d be named the McGorgeous.

49. I lost an electron! Are you positive?

50. Forget hydrogen, you’re my number one element.

51. You must be a compound of beryllium and barium… because you’re a total BaBe.

52. What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.

53. Why do chemists like nitrates so much? They’re cheaper than day rates.

54. What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium.

55. Are you made of Fluorine, Iodine, and Neon? ‘Cause you’re so F-I-Ne.

56. You must be copper because I always CU in my dreams.

57. Do you have 11 protons? ‘Cause you’re sodium fine!

58. Let’s meet up and share a pair of electrons. What do you say?

59. How do you know the moon is going broke? It’s down to its last quarter.

60. You must be the square root of -1 because you can’t be real.

61. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

62. Life without you would be like a broken pencil… pointless.

63. I think you’re suffering from a lack of Vitamin ME.

64. What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? Pull down its genes.

65. I might be a physics major, but I’m no Bohr in bed.

66. What did Mars say to Saturn? Give me a ring sometime!

67. What element do girls like the most? Amour-icum.

68. Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends Argon.

69. What do you call a clown who’s in jail? A silicon.

70. I’m a chemist. Do you want to let our lab work together?

71. Are you full of Beryllium, Gold, and Titanium? Because you are Be-Au-Ti-ful.

72. I think my heart just lagged.

73. Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK.

74. Are you a non-volatile particle? Because you raise my boiling point.

75. Are you made of nickel, cerium, arsenic, and sulfur? Because you’ve got a NiCe AsS!

76. What did one ion say to the other? I’ve got my ion you.

77. You must be made of Oxygen and Neon because you are the ONe.

78. Do you have 11 protons? Because you’re sodium fine.

79. Baby, you must be made of mica rock because you have perfect cleavage.

80. Want to measure the coefficient of static friction between us?

81. If you were a laser, you’d be set on stunning.

82. Why can’t you trust atoms? They make up literally everything!

83. How did the physicist soothe the baby photon? He rocked it in the wavelength.

84. I wish I were adenine, then I could get paired with U.

85. What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, you might as well barium.

86. Why don’t scientists trust atoms anymore? Because they make up everything!

87. Are you a carbon sample? Because I want to date you.

88. What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder.

89. I’m not a photographer, but I can picture us together bonding.

90. Scientists have recently discovered a rare new element called Beautium. It looks like you are made of it.

91. Talk nerdy to me.

92. If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.

93. What kind of dogs do chemists have? Laboratory Retrievers.

94. I must be a diamond now because you just gave me a hardness of 10.

95. Want to share electrons? Maybe we could have a stable relationship.

96. Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber? To reduce his carbon footprint.

97. Are you made of lithium, nitrogen, sulfur, and oxygen? Because you’re Li-NSO-me.

98. What did the physicist’s duck say? Quark!

99. What did the biologist wear to impress his date? Designer genes.