1. What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.
2. Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
3. Why do programmers like dark mode?
Because light attracts bugs.
4. What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?
A labracadabrador.
5. Why don’t skeletons go to scary movies?
They don’t have the guts.
6. What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
7. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two-tired!
8. What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
9. What’s a tree’s favorite drink?
Root beer.
10. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
11. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A puddle.
12. What kind of shoes do spies wear?
Sneakers.
13. Why did the golfer change his pants?
Because he got a hole in one.
14. Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two-tired.
15. What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
16. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!
17. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two-tired.
18. What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
19. What’s a skeleton’s favorite snack?
Spare ribs.
20. What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay?
A bagel.
21. Why did the music teacher go to jail?
For fingering A minor.
22. What’s E.T. short for?
Because he’s got little legs.
23. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
24. What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
25. Why did the math book look sad?
Because of all of its problems.
26. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.
27. Why did the girl bring a ladder to the bar?
She heard the drinks were on the house.
28. Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged.
29. Why do chicken coops only have two doors?
Because if they had four, they’d be chicken sedans.
30. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
31. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.
32. What do you call fake spaghetti?
An impasta!
33. Why do bananas wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
34. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener.
35. Why did the computer go to the doctor?
It had a virus.
36. How do you organize a fantastic space party?
You planet.
37. What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts.
38. Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
39. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
40. Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two-tired.
41. What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
The trombone.
42. Why did the student eat his homework?
Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
43. How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
44. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
45. What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
46. Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out!
47. What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A baboom.
48. Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon?
He was outstanding in his field.
49. How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
50. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
51. What do you call a group of unorganized cats?
A cat-astrophe.
52. What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
You’re too young to smoke!
53. Why was the belt arrested?
For holding up a pair of pants!
54. How does a squid go into battle?
Well-armed.
55. Why did the cookie cry?
Because his father was a wafer so long.
56. Why don’t scientists trust atoms anymore?
Because they make up everything!
57. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A stick.
58. What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
59. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
60. How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
61. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese!
62. What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio?
Cool music.
63. What do you call a pile of kittens?
A meowtain.
64. What did one wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you at the corner.
65. What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car?
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
66. Why did the math book look sad?
Because it had too many problems.
67. What do you call a cow that jumps over a barbed wire fence?
Udder destruction.
68. What do you call a belt made of watches?
A waist of time.
69. Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
They’d crack each other up.
70. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
An irrelephant.
71. What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved.
72. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line.
73. What do you call a bear with no ears?
B.
74. What do you call a pile of cats?
A meowtain.
75. What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
76. Why don’t mummies take vacations?
They’re afraid they’ll unwind.
77. How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
78. How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut.
79. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
80. How do you make an octopus laugh?
With ten-tickles.
81. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
82. Why did the picture go to jail?
It was framed.
83. What do you call a cow during an earthquake?
A milkshake.
84. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
85. What do you call a factory that sells good products?
A satisfactory.
86. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.
87. What do you call a belt made out of watches?
A waist of time.
88. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield.
89. What do you call a fish that’s a magician?
A magicarp.
90. What did the grape do when he got stepped on?
He let out a little wine.
91. What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
A satisfactory.
92. What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
Nothing, but it let out a little wine.
93. Why do the French eat snails?
They don’t like fast food.
94. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman.
95. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.