1. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek?

Because he was always spotted.

2. What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

3. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?

A thesaurus.

4. Why do chicken coops only have two doors?

Because if they had four, they’d be chicken sedans.

5. Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing.

6. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything!

7. What’s a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?

The trombone.

8. What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

9. Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use honeycombs.

10. What do you call a pile of kittens?

A meowtain.

11. What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between us, something smells!

12. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole in one.

13. What do you call a cow with all of its legs?

High steaks.

14. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?

A dino-snore.

15. What do you call two birds in love?

Tweethearts.

16. What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time.

17. What did one wall say to the other wall?

I’ll meet you at the corner.

18. What do you call a factory that makes okay products?

A satisfactory.

19. What do you call a fish with two knees?

A two-knee fish.

20. Why did the bicycle fall over?

Because it was too tired.

21. What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

22. Why did the picture go to jail?

Because it was framed.

23. What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud.

24. What do you get if you cross a centipede with a parrot?

A walkie-talkie.

25. What do you call a bear with no ears?

B.

26. Why did the bicycle fall over?

It was two-tired.

27. What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs?

A cloud.

28. How do you catch a whole school of fish?

With bookworms.

29. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

Supplies!

30. Why did the math book look sad?

Because it had too many problems.

31. What has ears but cannot hear?

A cornfield.

32. Why did the golfer change his pants?

He got a hole in one.

33. What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer.

34. What did the grape do when he got stepped on?

He let out a little wine.

35. How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

36. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

Nacho cheese.

37. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise?

LMAYO.

38. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?

An abdominal snowman.

39. What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean beef.

40. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?

Sneakers!

41. Why don’t oysters donate to charity?

Because they are shellfish.

42. What do you call a monkey when you take its bananas?

Furious.

43. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?

Bison.

44. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?

They don’t have the guts.

45. Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon?

He was outstanding in his field.

46. What kind of music do balloons hate?

Pop music.

47. Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing!

48. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?

An irrelephant.

49. What do you call a pile of cats?

A meowtain.

50. What do you call a dog that can do magic?

A labracadabrador.

51. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she will let it go.

52. What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?

Guardians of the Galaxy.

53. What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?

A houndini.

54. Why don’t some couples go to the gym?

Because some relationships don’t work out!

55. Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field!

56. Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got mugged.

57. What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

58. Why don’t eggs tell jokes?

They’d crack each other up.

59. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

Nacho cheese!

60. How do you make an octopus laugh?

With ten-tickles.

61. What do you call a belt with a watch on it?

A waist of time.

62. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose.

63. What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut?

A barberqueue.

64. What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!

65. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two-tired!

66. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?

A stick.

67. What do you call an illegally parked frog?

Toad.

68. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?

They don’t have the guts.

69. What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio?

Cool music.

70. How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

71. What did the big flower say to the little flower?

Hi, bud!

72. What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?

It gets toad.

73. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

74. How does a penguin build its house?

Igloos it together.

75. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

Because he felt crummy.

76. What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing, it just waved.

77. What do you call a ghost’s true love?

His ghoul-friend.

78. How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb a tree and act like a nut.

79. How do you find a spider in the dark?

You listen for its webcast.

80. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

81. What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.

82. How do you organize a space party?

You planet.

83. What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.