1. Why did Harry Potter get in trouble?

He couldn’t stop Gryffin-daring!

2. How does a phoenix feel about mornings?

They rise and shine.

3. Why does Harry always carry a map?

He doesn’t want to get lost for words.

4. What do you call a Slytherin with a dragon?

A fire risk.

5. Why don’t wizards use elevators?

They prefer to take Floo Powder!

6. How does Voldemort prefer his eggs?

Hard-cursed.

7. Why did Buckbeak go to detention?

He was caught winging it.

8. What does Hermione say when she wins a duel?

“You’ve been spell-shocked!”

9. Why doesn’t Lockhart need a mirror?

His ego reflects enough.

10. Why did the Quaffle go to therapy?

It had too much pressure to perform.

11. What’s the Hogwarts train’s favorite joke?

“I choo-choo-se you!”

12. Why don’t Ravenclaws ever get lost?

They always read the map!

13. How does a wizard clean their house?

With Scourgify and a lot of magic broom action.

14. Why did the Ravenclaw bring a ladder?

To reach great heights of knowledge.

15. Why do Gryffindors make terrible chefs?

They always overdo the daring spices.

16. Why doesn’t Ron use a cell phone?

Too many missed calls!

17. What’s a wizard’s favorite kind of humor?

Spell-binding jokes.

18. How do you get a centaur to be quiet?

Tell them to hoof it.

19. How does Harry win at Quidditch?

He catches the competition off guard.

20. What’s Snape’s least favorite potion ingredient?

Laughing gas—it’s beneath him.

21. Why is Hermione so good at everything?

She’s Hermione-credible!

22. What’s a house-elf’s favorite game?

Sock-etball.

23. Why did the potion explode?

It just couldn’t contain itself.

24. What’s a Keeper’s favorite type of music?

Goal-den oldies.

25. What’s a wizard’s favorite sport?

Hex-ercise!

26. What’s a wizard’s favorite sandwich?

A cauldron panini.

27. What do you call a wizard who’s really bad at football?

A Keeper.

28. What’s Harry’s favorite way to relax?

A nice game of Quid-ditch the stress.

29. How do Hufflepuffs stay so chill?

They just puff-puff-pass.

30. What did Harry say to Hermione at the library?

“You’re spell-binding!”

31. What’s Draco Malfoy’s favorite pick-up line?

“Are you a Horcrux? Because you’ve got a piece of my soul.”

32. Why did Ron fail his driving test?

He kept swerving for chocolate frogs.

33. How do you know someone is a Hufflepuff?

They’ll offer you snacks before you even ask.

34. Why don’t wizards ever take shortcuts?

They always spell it out.

35. What’s Snape’s favorite type of bread?

Slyther-in a roll.

36. Why did the sorting hat get a promotion?

It always knew how to make wise decisions.

37. What’s a werewolf’s favorite holiday?

Howl-oween!

38. Why did the Seeker break up with the Snitch?

It was playing hard to catch.

39. Why didn’t the spellbook get a job?

It couldn’t pass the magic test.

40. Why did Hagrid bring a duck to the pub?

It was a quack job!

41. How does a Quidditch player like their tea?

With a little extra swoosh!

42. Why did Voldemort prefer Twitter?

He didn’t want a Facebook—just a dark following.

43. What’s a Beater’s favorite workout?

Broom squats.

44. Why did the Hufflepuff refuse to duel?

They were busy baking cookies.

45. Why don’t hippogriffs use social media?

They don’t like being judged.

46. Why does Snape teach potions?

Because his cooking skills are siriusly lacking.

47. Why did the Snitch become a comedian?

It always gets the last laugh.

48. Why did the troll start meditating?

To keep from flipping his bridge!

49. What’s the Niffler’s favorite movie?

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Gold.

50. Why did Harry refuse to wear new glasses?

He saw right through them.

51. What’s Professor Flitwick’s favorite exercise?

Wingardium lift-iosa.

52. Why did the Bludger get kicked off the Quidditch team?

It kept flying off the handle.

53. How does Ron like his coffee?

With a Weasley touch of sugar.

54. How does Hagrid keep his beard so nice?

He uses hippogriff conditioner.

55. Why does Dumbledore love gardening?

He always has thyme for it.

56. Why do Quidditch players always bring a book?

To brush up on their foul language.

57. Why don’t Quidditch players ever get cold?

They’ve got a Nimbus to keep them warm!

58. Why did Professor Trelawney bring a ladder to class?

To reach her predictions!

59. Why did Ron bring a pencil to class?

He didn’t trust the quill to spell right.

60. What does Harry use to dry off after a shower?

A cloak of evaporation.

61. Why does Professor McGonagall always win at poker?

She’s a great cat-bluffer.

62. Why did the wand get detention?

It kept causing a ruckus in class.

63. Why doesn’t Snape ever tell jokes?

He’s afraid they’ll be too dark.

64. What’s the most awkward spell to use?

Obliviate—you never remember why you cast it.

65. Why did the basilisk break up with the toad?

Too much drama—it was toxic!

66. What’s Hermione’s favorite accessory?

A time-turner—it’s timeless!

67. What’s a Gryffindor’s favorite sport?

Daring-do-nuts.

68. Why did Hermione start a cooking show?

She’s the queen of spell-ingredients.

69. What’s Madam Pomfrey’s favorite TV show?

Grey’s Spell Anatomy.

70. What spell do you use to fix your glasses?

Oculus Reparo—you should see the difference!

71. How do you tell if someone is in Gryffindor?

Don’t worry—they’ll tell you.

72. What’s a Slytherin’s favorite dance move?

The sly-ther shuffle.

73. Why doesn’t Voldemort wear glasses?

Because he has no nose!

74. How do wizards send messages?

Spell-mail!

75. What’s the difference between Slytherin and a snake?

Nothing—they both hiss at everyone.