1. What kind of tree fits in your hand?

A palm tree!

2. What do you call a fish with two knees?

A two-knee fish!

3. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

4. What kind of music do mummies like listening to on Halloween?

Wrap music.

5. What do you call a sleeping pizza?

A piZZZZa.

6. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

7. What do you call fake spaghetti?

An impasta.

8. Why did the jelly wobble?

Because it saw the milk shake!

9. What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

10. What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

11. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?

A can’t opener.

12. What animal needs to wear a wig?

A bald eagle!

13. How do you make a tissue dance?

You put a little boogie in it.

14. Why did the banana go to the doctor?

Because it wasn’t peeling well.

15. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she will let it go.

16. What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?

Time to get a new fence.

17. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?

Frostbite.

18. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything!

19. What has one head, one foot, and four legs?

A bed.

20. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?

Frostbite.

21. Can February March?

No, but April May!

22. What do you call two birds in love?

Tweethearts.

23. How do mountains see?

They peak.

24. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?

Swimming trunks.

25. Why don’t some couples go to the gym?

Because some relationships don’t work out!

26. Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use honeycombs.

27. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog?

Frostbite.

28. What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!

29. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

30. Why don’t oysters share their pearls?

Because they’re shellfish.

31. Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight?

Because it was well-armed.

32. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?

Thunderwear.

33. Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing!

34. How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

35. What has ears but cannot hear?

A cornfield.

36. Why don’t scientists trust atoms anymore?

Because they make up everything!

37. How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb a tree and act nuts.

38. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two-tired.

39. What’s a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?

The trombone.

40. What kind of music do mummies listen to?

Wrap music.

41. What is at the end of a rainbow?

The letter W.

42. How do you stop a bull from charging?

Cancel its credit card.

43. Why did the bicycle fall over?

Because it was two-tired.

44. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?

A dino-snore!

45. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek?

Because he was always spotted.

46. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

Nacho cheese!

47. What do you call a sad coffee?

Depresso.

48. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

Nacho cheese!

49. Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibit?

Because it was cultured.

50. Why did the picture go to jail?

Because it was framed.

51. What did the limestone say to the geologist?

Don’t take me for granite!

52. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?

A stick.

53. How do you organize a space party?

You planet.

54. What did the big flower say to the little flower?

Hi, bud!

55. What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.

56. Why did the student eat his homework?

Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

57. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two-tired!

58. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?

It let out a little wine.

59. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

Because he felt crummy.

60. Why don’t scientists trust atoms anymore?

Because they make up everything!

61. How do you count cows?

With a cowculator.

62. Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing.

63. What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio?

Cool music.

64. What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

65. What do you call a fake spaghetti?

An impasta!

66. How do you make holy water?

Boil the hell out of it.

67. Why don’t eggs tell secrets?

They’d crack each other up.

68. What do you call a dog that can do magic?

A labracadabrador.

69. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?

An abdominal snowman.

70. What did one wall say to the other?

I’ll meet you at the corner.

71. Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.

72. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

Elephino (hell if I know)!

73. What do you call a singing laptop?

A Dell!

74. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole in one.

75. What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear!

76. How do you organize a fantastic space party?

You planet.

77. What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?

It gets toad away.

78. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?

They don’t have the guts.

79. What room does a ghost not need?

A living room.

80. Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

81. How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

Use spring water.

82. What kind of key opens a banana?

A monkey!

83. Why don’t mummies take time off?

They’re afraid to unwind.