1. How do pirates clean their ship?
With a mop and arrrr!
2. What do you call a pirate comedian?
A laugh-buccaneer!
3. Why do pirates never complain about the weather?
Because they love the high seas!
4. How do pirates prefer to pay for things?
With buccaneers!
5. Why did the pirate’s parrot go to school?
To improve its “arrrr-vocabulary”!
6. How do pirates predict the weather?
By listening to the wind in their sails.
7. What do pirates eat for breakfast?
Cap’n Crunch!
8. Why did the pirate steal a pillow?
To rest his head on some plunder.
9. Why did the pirate bring a pencil to sea?
To draw his treasure map!
10. How do pirates keep their ships warm?
They turn on the arrrr-conditioning!
11. What’s a pirate’s least favorite thing to lose?
His booty.
12. How do pirates teach their parrots to talk?
With parrot-phrases!
13. Why did the pirate buy a deck of cards?
He wanted to learn his ship’s crew!
14. Why don’t pirates like fast food?
They prefer it slow-roasted on the ship.
15. What do pirates do when it rains?
They get under the deck.
16. What do pirates call their pet goldfish?
Captain Gill!
17. What’s a pirate’s least favorite animal?
A leaky seal.
18. Why did the pirate move to the desert?
No chance of his ship sinking there.
19. Why did the pirate hate thunderstorms?
Too much boom!
20. Why do pirates hate calm seas?
They’re just not thrilling.
21. What’s a pirate’s favorite store?
Tarrrrrr-get!
22. Why did the pirate love seafood?
Because it always came with a side of booty.
23. Why did the pirate ship go to therapy?
It had too many issues below deck.
24. What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of fish?
A goldfish treasure.
25. Why did the pirate go to the doctor?
He had scurvy humor!
26. What’s a pirate’s favorite season?
Arrrr-tumn!
27. What’s a pirate’s favorite tool?
A saw — because it cuts through the sea!
28. Why don’t pirates shower before walking the plank?
They’ll just wash up on shore later.
29. Why don’t pirates use GPS?
They follow the stars!
30. Why did the pirate sit on the deck?
Because his booty hurt!
31. Why do pirates bury their treasure?
Because they’re terrible at banks!
32. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of movie?
Arrrr-rated!
33. Why was the pirate’s ship so cheap?
It was on sail.
34. What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
A rookie.
35. Why was the pirate so bad at math?
He couldn’t figure out his Xs.
36. Why don’t pirates eat salads?
They prefer their food with “arrrr-dressing”!
37. What’s a pirate’s favorite cloud?
A cirrrrus cloud.
38. What’s a pirate’s favorite cleaning product?
Plunder and polish!
39. What’s a pirate’s favorite bird?
A pelican — it can carry treasure in its beak!
40. What do you call a pirate’s favorite dessert?
Rum cake!
41. How much did the pirate pay for his earrings?
A buck-an-ear!
42. Why did the pirate bring his dog to sea?
It was a bark-aneer!
43. Why couldn’t the pirate learn the alphabet?
He kept getting lost at “C”!
44. Why are pirates so good at geometry?
They know all the angles!
45. What do pirates do on their day off?
They arrrr-relax!
46. What do pirates call their ship’s nursery?
The “poop” deck!
47. What do pirates say at the bakery?
“Hand over the plunder-pie!”
48. Why did the pirate wear two eye patches?
He wanted to be completely in the dark!
49. What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of cheese?
Cheddar, because it’s golden like treasure.
50. Why did the pirate wear a coat?
Because it was arrrr-tic weather!
51. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
You’d think it’s “R,” but it’s the “C”!
52. What’s a pirate’s least favorite vegetable?
Leeks in the boat!
53. What’s a pirate’s favorite drink?
Arrrr-nge juice!
54. What’s a pirate’s least favorite natural disaster?
A land-slide!
55. What did the pirate say when his ship sank?
“Well, this is de-pressing!”
56. Why are pirates such great singers?
Because they hit the high seas!
57. Why do pirates keep cats on their ships?
To catch all the rats.
58. What do you call a pirate with no treasure?
A swash-buckler.
59. What do you call a pirate’s pet zebra?
A striped buccaneer!
60. What’s a pirate’s favorite gemstone?
An “emerarrrr-ld”!
61. Why don’t pirates have rabbits?
They don’t like things multiplying on the ship!
62. How do pirates like their steak?
Medium “ARRR!”
63. What’s a pirate’s favorite snack?
Chips ahoy!
64. Why did the pirate cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
65. Why did the pirate put his treasure in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash.
66. Why do pirates always get what they want?
Because they arrrr persistent!
67. What’s a pirate’s favorite weather?
Arrrr-ctic chill!
68. Why did the pirate bring a parrot to the party?
For some squawk-tastic conversation!
69. What’s a pirate’s favorite social media app?
Insta-ARRR-gram!
70. How do pirates prefer to communicate?
Eye to eye.
71. What do you call a rich pirate?
A billion-ARRR!
72. Why don’t pirates play cards?
Because they’re always standing on the deck!
73. Why did the pirate go to the gym?
To improve his “arrrr-ms”!
74. Why are pirates great at parties?
They always bring the booty!
75. What do you call a pirate who skips class?
A tru-ant.