1. Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit!

2. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

Nacho cheese!

3. What do you call a witch’s garage?

A broom closet.

4. What do you call a dancing ghost?

Polka-haunt-us.

5. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked surprised.

6. What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room?

The living room.

7. What’s Forrest Gump’s password?

1forrest1.

8. What did the ocean say to the shore?

Nothing, it just waved.

9. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything!

10. What do you call a singing laptop?

A Dell.

11. How does Moses make tea?

Hebrews it.

12. What type of boat do vampires travel in?

Blood vessels.

13. I’m reading a book on the history of glue.

Can’t put it down.

14. What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream.

15. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole in one.

16. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?

He is mist.

17. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?

A thesaurus.

18. Why are graveyards noisy?

Because of all the coffin!

19. I’m on a seafood diet.

I see food and I eat it.

20. Want to hear a joke about construction?

I’m still working on it.

21. How do vampires start their letters?

“Tomb it may concern…”

22. How do you organize a space party?

You planet.

23. I’d tell you a Fibonacci joke, but it’s probably as bad as the last two you heard combined.

24. What do you call a belt with a watch on it?

A waist of time.

25. If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?

26. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

27. Why did the math book look sad?

Because it had too many problems.

28. Why did the bicycle fall over?

It was two-tired.

29. What kind of key opens a haunted house?

A spoo-key!

30. Why don’t eggs tell jokes?

They’d crack each other up.

31. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

32. I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.

33. What do you call a cleaning skeleton?

The grim sweeper.

34. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

35. I’d tell a Fibonacci joke, but it’s probably as bad as the last two you heard combined.

36. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

37. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two-tired.

38. What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

39. I would tell you a construction joke, but I’m still working on it.

40. I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.

41. I once got into a fight with a broken elevator. I took it to another level.

42. Why do bicycles fall over?

Because they are two-tired!

43. What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh.

44. I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.

45. What do you call a factory that makes okay products?

A satisfactory.

46. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

47. Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing!

48. What do you call fake spaghetti?

An impasta!

49. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.

50. What do you call a video game about dating?

“Boyfriend Simulator.”

51. I told my suitcase there will be no vacation this year.

Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.

52. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

Supplies!

53. What do you call a dog that can do magic tricks?

A labracadabrador.

54. Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon?

He was outstanding in his field.

55. I’d tell a roof joke, but it might go over your head.

56. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog?

Frostbite.

57. Have you heard about the new restaurant called Karma?

There’s no menu; you get what you deserve.

58. I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.

59. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?

An abdominal snowman.

60. How do you organize a fantastic space party?

You planet.

61. I told my computer I needed a break, and it said “no.”

62. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?

They don’t have the guts.

63. A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

64. How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

65. Why did the vampire read the newspaper?

He heard it had great circulation.

66. I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

67. What do you get if you cross a vampire and a snowman?

Frostbite.

68. How do boyfriends save their girlfriends’ numbers?

“DO NOT ANSWER.”

69. Why don’t oysters donate to charity?

Because they are shellfish.

70. How do you make holy water?

Boil the hell out of it.

71. I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

72. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married.

The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent!

73. What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

74. What did one wall say to the other?

Meet you at the corner.

75. I would avoid the sushi if I were you. It’s a little fishy.

76. What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

77. What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument?

The trombone.

78. Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

79. I’m on a whiskey diet.

I’ve lost three days already.

80. Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?

He had no body to go with him.