1. What kind of shoes do spies wear?

Sneakers.

2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who?

Don’t cry, it’s just a joke!

3. Why did the music teacher go to jail?

Because she got caught with sharp notes.

4. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

They make up everything.

5. What’s a cat’s favorite color?

Purr-ple.

6. Why was the pencil so annoying?

It was always drawing attention to itself.

7. Why did the electrician break up with their partner?

There was no spark.

8. Why don’t eggs tell jokes?

They might crack up.

9. What do you call fake spaghetti?

An impasta!

10. What gets wetter as it dries?

A towel.

11. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?

A can’t opener.

12. Why did the smartphone need glasses?

It lost all its contacts.

13. What’s a skeleton’s favorite snack?

Spare ribs.

14. Why don’t calendars ever get into arguments?

They’re always on the same page.

15. Why did the photo go to jail?

It was framed.

16. Why was the broom late?

It swept in.

17. What kind of music do tortillas listen to?

Wrap music.

18. Why did the tree go to the party?

It was feeling sappy.

19. Why don’t skeletons fight?

They don’t have the guts.

20. Why did the apple stop in the middle of the road?

It ran out of juice.

21. What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer.

22. Why did the belt refuse to fight?

It didn’t want to get tied up.

23. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole in one!

24. Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.

25. Why don’t mountains ever get tired?

They just stay grounded.

26. Why did the banker switch careers?

They lost interest.

27. What has a head, a tail, but no body?

A coin.

28. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

29. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

Nacho cheese!

30. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish?

Swimming trunks.

31. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Atch. Atch who?

Bless you!

32. Why was the computer cold?

It left its Windows open.

33. What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?

One says, “Spit out your gum,” and the other says, “Chew-chew!”

34. What do you call a computer that sings?

A Dell.

35. What’s a computer’s favorite beat?

An algo-rhythm.

36. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cow says. Cow says who?

No, silly—cow says mooo!

37. Why was the website always so calm?

It had great cache-ing skills.

38. Why did the bicycle fall over?

It was two-tired.

39. Why was the belt arrested?

It held up a pair of pants.

40. Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?

They wanted to go to high school.

41. How do you organize a space party?

You planet.

42. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?

Sneakers.

43. Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?

Because then they’d be bagels.

44. What has an eye but cannot see?

A needle.

45. Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing.

46. What did one wall say to the other?

“I’ll meet you at the corner!”

47. What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant?

Lots of memory.

48. Why don’t oysters donate to charity?

They’re shellfish.

49. Why don’t ants get sick?

They have tiny ant-bodies.

50. Why did the cow go to space?

To see the Milky Way.

51. What do you call a group of musical whales?

An orca-stra.

52. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?

A blood orange.

53. What do you call a group of grapes?

A raisin gang.

54. How does a taco say grace?

“Lettuce pray.”

55. Why did the student eat their homework?

The teacher said it was a piece of cake.

56. Why don’t melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe.

57. How does a penguin build its house?

Igloos it together.

58. What goes up but never comes down?

Your age.

59. What’s a ghost’s favorite subject?

Boo-logy.

60. What’s a potato’s least favorite day?

Fry-day.

61. What did the grape say when it got stepped on?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

62. What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.

63. How does the Internet sneeze?

Achoo-tube.

64. Why did the computer go to the doctor?

It caught a virus.

65. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she’ll let it go.

66. Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

67. How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

68. What has hands but can’t clap?

A clock.

69. Why don’t pancakes tell secrets?

They have too many flip sides.

70. What’s a hacker’s favorite snack?

Cookies.

71. What’s a teacher’s favorite type of fish?

A school of fish.

72. Why did the duck cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.

73. What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh.

74. Knock, knock. Who’s there?

Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it’s freezing out here!

75. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?

A thesaurus.

76. What do you call a sad strawberry?

A blueberry.

77. Why don’t robots ever get tired?

They have built-in recharge mode.

78. Why didn’t the sun go to college?

It already had a million degrees.

79. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who?

Olive you and I miss you!

80. What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

81. How does a keyboard stay fit?

It works out on its space bar.

82. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?

Because then it’d be a foot.

83. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?

Her students were too bright.

84. Why did the banana go to the doctor?

It wasn’t peeling well.

85. What do you call a belt made of watches?

A waist of time.

86. Why did the frog take the bus?

His car got toad.

87. Why don’t bicycles ever gossip?

They can’t handle back-pedaling.

88. Why are ghosts bad at cooking?

They always leave the sheet on.

89. Why was the geography book so emotional?

It had too many maps to cry over.

90. Why was the math book so happy?

It finally solved its problems.