1. What do you call a skeleton who presses the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
2. What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room?
The living room.
3. Why do skeletons make terrible thieves?
They make too much noise rattling around.
4. Why did the skeleton refuse to bungee jump?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
5. Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
He couldn’t find any body to join him.
6. Why do skeletons hate the winter?
The cold goes right through them.
7. Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue?
To get a spare rib.
8. What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
9. Why did the skeleton start a gardening service?
He had a skull for it.
10. Why was the skeleton so successful in business?
He played his bones right.
11. What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler.
12. Why don’t skeletons play church music?
They have no organs.
13. What do skeletons hang on their Christmas trees?
Bone-bles.
14. What’s a skeleton’s favorite game?
Boneopoly.
15. Why did the skeleton stop at a cafe?
For a cup of joe and a slice of spleen cake.
16. What type of art do skeletons like?
Skull-ptures.
17. What do skeletons order at restaurants?
Spare ribs.
18. Why don’t skeletons like to go to church?
They can’t stand the organ music.
19. What’s a skeleton’s favorite room in the house?
The living room, oddly enough.
20. Why did the skeleton refuse an extra blanket?
He said he wasn’t that bone-chilled.
21. What do you call a skeleton that stays up late?
A night bone.
22. Why did the skeleton stay out in the storm?
He was a bonehead.
23. Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
24. Why don’t skeletons like parties?
They have no body to dance with.
25. Why did the skeleton go to the disco?
To show off his bone moves.
26. Why are skeletons bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
27. What do skeletons drink in the morning?
Coffee with scream and sugar.
28. What do you call a skeleton who lies on the floor?
Lazy bones.
29. What do you call a skeleton who sleeps all day?
Lazy bones.
30. What did the skeleton say to his crush?
I can feel it in my bones that you like me.
31. Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
32. What do skeletons do on New Year’s Eve?
They bone up for a midnight toast.
33. Why did the skeleton sing lullabies?
He wanted to put the other skeletons to rest.
34. Why don’t skeletons play hockey?
They’re afraid of the puck.
35. What instrument do skeletons play?
The trom-bone.
36. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the stomach for it.
37. Why did the skeleton become a teacher?
He had a skull for it.
38. Why didn’t the skeleton rob the bank?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
39. What do skeletons use to text?
A cell-bone.
40. What do you call a skeleton who uses cheat codes?
A cheater bone.
41. What do you call a skeleton who won’t get up in the morning?
A bone-idle.
42. What do you call an old skeleton?
Bone age.
43. Why did the skeleton bring a mop to the party?
In case he spilled his guts.
44. What’s a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
A saxa-bone.
45. What did the skeleton chef say when he served his meal?
“Bone appétit!”
46. Why do skeletons hate the winter?
The cold goes straight through them.
47. What do you call a skeleton with no friends?
Bone-ly.
48. Why did the skeleton go to jail?
For possession of the graveyard shift.
49. Why do skeletons make poor miners?
You can’t strike oil with a dry bone.
50. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he had no body to go with!
51. What do you call a skeleton who writes poems?
A bone bard.
52. What did the skeleton say after a great dinner?
Bone appetit!
53. How do skeletons know when it’s going to rain?
They can feel it in their bones.
54. What do you call a skeleton who won’t work?
Lazy bones.
55. Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
They’re lumbar-jacks!
56. Why was the skeleton so good at comedy?
He knew every rib-tickler in the book.
57. Why are skeletons so good at farming?
They have a lot of experience in the field.
58. What do you call a skeleton who cleans your house?
The grim sweeper.
59. Why don’t skeletons play music in church?
They can’t handle the organs.
60. Why did the skeleton bring a ladder to the bar?
Because he heard the drinks were on the house.
61. Why did the skeleton student stay late at school?
He was boning up for his exams.
62. Why did the skeleton refuse to play football?
His heart wasn’t in it.
63. Why did the skeleton become a detective?
He wanted to solve some old cases.
64. Why did the skeleton stay out in the sun?
He was trying to get a tan.
65. What’s a skeleton’s favorite part of the newspaper?
The obituaries.
66. Why did the skeleton quit his job at the butcher shop?
It felt degrading handling other skeletons.
67. How do skeletons communicate?
On a bone-to-bone network.
68. Why did the skeleton make a poor umpire?
His calls were bone-headed.
69. Why did the skeleton stay so calm in the argument?
He couldn’t be rattled.
70. What do skeletons say before dining?
Bone appétit!
71. How do skeletons call their friends?
On the tele-bone.
72. What do you call a skeleton who watches over prisoners?
A bone warden.
73. Why was the skeleton always relaxed?
Nothing got under his skin.
74. What do you call a skeleton that works at a casino?
A craps dealer.
75. Why did the skeleton quit being a pilot?
He couldn’t handle the pressure.
76. Why did the skeleton hit the party late?
He had no guts to ask for directions.
77. How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones.
78. Why did the skeleton start gardening?
To bury his past.
79. What did the skeleton banker say to his client?
“Let’s bone up on your finances.”
80. Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
81. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.
82. Why did the skeleton climb the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
83. Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue?
To get another rib.
84. Why was the skeleton always so calm?
Nothing could rattle his bones.
85. Why did the skeleton stay out in the snow all night?
He was a numbskull.