1. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?

She’ll let it go!

2. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?

A can’t opener.

3. Why did the scarecrow win an award?

He was outstanding in his field.

4. Why did the bicycle fall over?

It was two-tired.

5. What did one plate say to the other?

“Lunch is on me!”

6. What do you call a cold dog?

A chili dog.

7. Why don’t oysters donate to charity?

They’re shellfish.

8. Why did the cow sit down?

It was udderly tired.

9. Why did the belt get arrested?

It was holding up some pants.

10. Why did the banana join the school band?

It had appeal.

11. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?

Because then it’d be a foot.

12. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?

A neck-tarine.

13. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole in one!

14. What do you call a factory that makes okay products?

A satisfactory.

15. Why did the bicycle break up with its partner?

It felt two-tired.

16. What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh.

17. Why don’t eggs tell jokes?

They might crack up.

18. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?

A stick.

19. Why did the moon skip dinner?

It was full.

20. Why did the banana go to the doctor?

It wasn’t peeling well.

21. Why don’t you trust stairs?

They’re always up to something.

22. What do you call a group of musical whales?

An orca-stra.

23. Why did the orange stop?

Because it ran out of juice.

24. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

“Supplies!”

25. How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb a tree and act like a nut.

26. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?

An abdominal snowman.

27. Why can’t a leopard hide?

It’s always spotted.

28. What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument?

The trom-bone.

29. What’s the loudest pet you can have?

A trumpet.

30. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

He wanted cold, hard cash.

31. What do you call a peanut in space?

An astro-nut.

32. Why can’t you trust a taco?

It’ll spill the beans.

33. What do you call a fake noodle?

A faux-getti.

34. What do you call a dog magician?

A labracadabrador.

35. What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear!

36. Why don’t sharks like fast food?

They can’t catch it.

37. How do you organize a space party?

You planet.

38. Why did the computer go to the doctor?

It had a virus.

39. Why don’t skeletons use cell phones?

They don’t have the right connective tissues.

40. What do you call a potato with glasses?

A spec-tater.

41. What do you call a lazy kangaroo?

A pouch potato.

42. Why don’t elephants use computers?

They’re afraid of the mouse.

43. What do you call a magician who’s bad at magic?

An illusion’t.

44. Why don’t we ever tell secrets on a farm?

Because the potatoes have eyes, and the corn has ears!

45. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?

You’d think it’s “R,” but it’s the “C.”

46. Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got mugged.

47. Why don’t fish play basketball?

They’re afraid of the net.

48. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!

49. What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry.

50. What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament?

Live stream.

51. Why did the scarecrow become a successful motivational speaker?

He was outstanding in his field.

52. What do you call a belt made of watches?

A waist of time.

53. Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.

54. How do you fix a broken pizza?

With tomato paste.

55. Why did the man run around his bed?

He wanted to catch up on sleep.

56. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

Nacho cheese!

57. Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don’t work.

58. Why don’t eggs ever get into arguments?

They’re afraid they’ll crack up.

59. What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

60. Why don’t vampires like Taylor Swift?

They hate Shake It Off.

61. Why did the bird go to school?

To improve its tweet-eracy.

62. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

63. Why don’t mushrooms get invited to parties?

Because they’re fungi.

64. Why don’t calendars ever get tired?

They have too many dates.

65. Why did the light bulb fail the test?

It wasn’t too bright.

66. Why was the tomato blushing?

It saw the salad dressing.

67. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?

They don’t have the guts.

68. Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their butt-quacks.

69. What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert?

Boo-berry pie.

70. Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing!

71. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldn’t see himself doing it.

72. Why did the dog sit in the shade?

It didn’t want to be a hot dog.

73. What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer.

74. Why did the chicken join a band?

Because it had the drumsticks!

75. Why did the employee bring a ladder to work?

To reach new heights.

76. Why don’t programmers like nature?

Too many bugs.

77. What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

78. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

It felt crumby.

79. Why do fish live in saltwater?

Because pepper makes them sneeze!

80. Why do bees hum?

Because they don’t know the words.

81. How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogey in it.

82. Why don’t you play hide and seek with mountains?

They’re always peaking.

83. What do you call a bear with no ears?

B.

84. What do you call fake spaghetti?

An impasta!

85. What’s a frog’s favorite drink?

Croak-a-Cola.

86. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

87. What do you call a group of cats playing instruments?

A purr-cussion band.

88. What’s a vampire’s least favorite drink?

Blood Lite.

89. Why don’t snowmen get into arguments?

They just let it slide.

90. Why did the stadium get so hot?

All the fans left.