1. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

It felt crumby.

2. Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their butt-quacks!

3. Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?

Because then they’d be bagels!

4. Why did the computer go to the doctor?

It caught a virus.

5. How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb a tree and act like a nut.

6. What do you call a happy cowboy?

A jolly rancher.

7. Why did the moon skip dinner?

It was full.

8. What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?

Fangsgiving.

9. Why do bees hum?

Because they don’t know the words.

10. Why don’t we ever see hippos hiding in trees?

Because they’re REALLY good at it.

11. Why did the bicycle fall over?

It was two-tired.

12. What’s a history teacher’s favorite fruit?

Dates.

13. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?

Because then it’d be a foot!

14. Why did the student eat their homework?

The teacher said it was a piece of cake.

15. What’s a witch’s favorite subject?

Spelling.

16. What do you call fake spaghetti?

An impasta!

17. Why did the chicken join a band?

It had the drumsticks.

18. What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room?

The living room.

19. Why don’t light bulbs ever gossip?

They prefer to keep things bright.

20. What do you call a sad strawberry?

A blue-berry!

21. How do you organize a space party?

You planet.

22. Why was the music book arrested?

It had too many sharp notes.

23. What do you call a dog magician?

A labracadabrador!

24. Why did the employee bring a ladder to work?

To reach new heights.

25. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

Nacho cheese!

26. What do you call an angry carrot?

A steamed veggie.

27. What’s a printer’s least favorite thing?

Paper jams.

28. Why did the teddy bear skip dessert?

It was already stuffed.

29. Why did the stadium get so hot?

All the fans left.

30. How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogey in it.

31. Why don’t skeletons work late?

They don’t have the guts.

32. What does Santa do in his garden?

He ho-ho-hoes!

33. Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.

34. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?

They don’t have the guts.

35. Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing!

36. What did one plate say to the other?

“Lunch is on me!”

37. What’s a baker’s favorite kind of joke?

Pun-cakes!

38. Why do turkeys never tell secrets?

Because they always gobble them up.

39. What do you call a boss who loves tea?

The chai-master.

40. What’s a potato’s favorite dance?

The mash potato.

41. Why don’t ghosts like rain?

It dampens their spirits.

42. Why don’t vampires like Taylor Swift?

They can’t handle her “Shake It Off.”

43. Why don’t calendars ever get tired?

They’re always full of dates.

44. Why did the orange stop?

It ran out of juice.

45. What do elves learn in school?

The elf-abet!

46. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole in one.

47. Why don’t we ever see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they’re so good at it.

48. Why don’t we ever talk about pizza jokes?

They’re too cheesy.

49. What do you call a snowman in the summer?

A puddle.

50. Why don’t you give Elsa a balloon?

She’ll let it go.

51. Why did the skeleton skip the Halloween party?

It had no-body to go with.

52. What do you call a belt made of watches?

A waist of time.

53. What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

54. What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator!

55. Why did the ghost go to the bar?

For the boos.

56. What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.

57. Why don’t eggs tell jokes?

They might crack up.

58. Why did the geography teacher break up with the map?

It had too many issues.

59. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?

Because her students were so bright.

60. What do you call a group of musical whales?

An orca-stra.

61. What do you call a magic dog?

A labracadabrador.

62. Why was the coffee file a police report?

It got mugged.

63. Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting?

They always drop their needles.

64. Why did the stapler break up with the paper?

It felt too attached.

65. Why was the chalk always sad?

It felt like it was being wiped out.

66. Why don’t we play hide and seek with mountains?

They always peak.

67. What’s a cow’s favorite drink?

Moooo-smoothies.

68. What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh.

69. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

“Supplies!”

70. What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!

71. What do you call a pumpkin that works out?

A jack-o-lantern.

72. What’s a snake’s favorite subject?

Hiss-tory.

73. What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay?

A bagel.

74. What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer.

75. Why don’t science teachers trust atoms?

Because they make up everything!

76. What’s a vampire’s least favorite food?

Steaks.

77. Why did the math teacher bring a broom?

To sweep away the problems.

78. Why are fish so smart?

They live in schools.

79. Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don’t work.

80. What do you call a pencil with two erasers?

Pointless.

81. Why did the banana go to the doctor?

It wasn’t peeling well.

82. Why don’t watermelons get married?

They cantaloupe.

83. Why did the scarecrow win an award?

He was outstanding in his field.